Philthy Phuket

Our first beach getaway was a great success...with a healthy dose of weirdness mixed in.  Here's what went down:

Day One
Arrive Phuket from BKK at 10:30AM. Take minibus to hotel. Hotel is nice. Unfortunately smells horrible because pool area backs up to sewage dump. Cool bathroom lights make up for this. Sort of. Meet up with friends. Thrilled to see everyone. Nice to have a little taste of home (Tabbycat, I miss you already). Go to Patong Beach. Beach is crowded. Rent chairs for 100 Baht. Ahmad tries to bargain. He gets shot down. He is crabby. (IMPORTANT AMENDMENT: Ahmad has informed me via comment below that he did indeed bargain on Day One. It was Day Two when the bargaining failed. LET IT BE KNOWN: Ahmad rocks. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming). Tan on beach, swim, relax, ponder the plethora of topless old women. Gross. Watch parasailers. Debate parasailing. Time parasailing trip. Decide $30 for 80 seconds is too expensive. Officially cheapskates. Head back to hotel. Shower. In a real shower. With two shower heads. Really exciting. Leave for dinner. Shop for knockoff Ray Bans on the way. Eat at The Banana. Make friends with 8-year-old Thai girl. New friend tries to sell me something. I say no. She is mad. Head to Bangla Road. Absolute craziness. Lights, ladyboys, pushy vendors, people everywhere. Bars in VWs on the street. Order Long Island Ice Tea Bucket. Drink bucket. Wander around. Light lantern on beach for Cass's birthday. Sing. Go back to bars. Play Connect Four. Cass is taken to special bar to celebrate birthday. Remainder is inappropriate.

The Kellogg crew reunites!

Chilling on Patong Beach with the naked Europeans

My BFF

Bangla Road

LIT buckets at VW Bar

Lighting Cass's romantic birthday lantern

Day Two
Alarm goes off at 7:15AM. Headache. Gather in lobby. Discover everyone else has a headache too. Drive to pier. Get on speedboat. Speedboat packed with 15 other tourists from various locations. Two have prosthetic legs. Confused by this. Take speedboat one hour to Koh Phi Phi Leh. Seas rough. Many sick. Arrive at Phi Phi Leh. Beautiful. Spectacular. Clear, green water with stunning limestone outcroppings. And tons and tons and TONS of tourists. Chinese people in life jackets everywhere. Swim. Get back on boat. Head to Maya Bay, where "The Beach" was filmed. Our guide ("Mr. Boy") is obsessed with this movie. Everyone is. It's not that good. Maya Bay packed. Everywhere is packed. Back on boat. Head to Koh Phi Phi Don. Eat lunch. Walk around. Sweat. A lot. Get back on boat. Head to Monkey Beach. Feed monkeys bananas. Giant monkey jumps on speedboat. Funny. Guide throws banana to more monkeys. Banana hits a guido. Guido shouts "WHO DID THAT. I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS." Also funny. Leave Monkey Beach. Snorkel. Head to Bamboo Island. Still crowded, but more peaceful. Do "sexy photo shoot" on beach to fit in with all the other tourists. Again - funny. Ride boat an hour home. Fall asleep immediately. Wake up at 9PM. Go to amazing dive bar down the street (The Dolphin). Drink beer. Eat pizza. Play Thai dice game. Sleep.

Our first sighting of Koh Phi Phi

Enjoying the crowds at Maya Bay

Pretty!

Greedy monkey with two bananas

"Sexy Photo" #1

"Sexy Photo" #2

"Sexy Photo" #3

Bamboo Island, our last and most peaceful stop of the day...

Day Three
Wake up at 11AM. This feels wonderful. Decide to try a new beach (thanks again, D-Fos), which we hope is less crowded. It is. Spend the day at Kata Beach. Finally drink delicious tropical cocktail while staring at ocean. Bliss. Get sunburn. Blame Neutrogena 55 SPF sunscreen from Ski Trip swag bags. Don't use it. Seriously. It doesn't work. Head back to hotel. Shower. Shop for another hour. Buy one more pair of fake Ray Bans. Clearly a necessity. Head to airport. Eat Subway. Very happy. Sit next to obnoxious couple on plane. American girl, Italian guy. They cannot communicate in words, so they communicate by makeout. Trapped in window. Crabby. Arrive BKK at 11PM. Train home. Sleep.

Kata...what I always pictured a Thai beach would be

Tropical cocktails!

Summary
Overall, a great weekend.  Really awesome to see our Kellogg brethren (Tabb, Cass & Kyle - have a blast in Hong Kong!), and we certainly made some memories.  Not sure I'd recommend Phuket (at least Patong Beach) as a vacation destination...besides the souvenir shopping and the roadside masseurs there's not much to see, and the beaches were PACKED. Bangla Road is famous for its "nightlife", but from what I've seen, you can get the same thing ("ping pong show", "catfish show", etc) in Bangkok.  Plus, the whole place sort of smelled like a sewage dump (which made me feel better that it wasn't just our hotel's pool area that reeked to high heaven).  Koh Phi Phi was beautiful, but heed my words: if you ever go, do a sunrise or sunset tour to avoid all the tourists. Otherwise, you'll be wading your way through life-jacketed families of 17 and/or fat old men in Speedos taking "sexy" photos in the sand.  All in all, definitely worth the trip.  And it got me pretty jazzed up about visiting the other beautiful beaches Thailand has to offer.  I just hope, when we go, that we can beat the rest of the a-holes there.